jen, twenty; how odd i can have all this inside me and to you it's just words.


“i never showed you my poems because i knew you
would read them and think of someone else’s hips.
today i am too tired to miss you but keep thinking
about your shoulders and having dreams about my teeth
falling out. i think about how your parents and your friends
will probably always like your ex better than me,
how they will only think of the bad parts: the way i fucked you
on the heels of your breakup, the way i told you to stop
speaking to me. i hope this isn’t the story you remember,
but you never know. tell me, does a good first impression
override the bitter taste i left in your mouth?
yesterday i told my mother i missed her
and she immediately asked if i was lonely. i woke up
thinking of you again, but i told her no. sometimes i still wish
we could call this whole thing off, but i am trying not
to be the kind of girl who says go when she means stay.
really, it’s not that i miss you. it’s just:
there are still so many things that i have to ask you.”


but god do i still feel you in the hollows: in the
empty space between heartbeats, the holding of
breaths, like you carved yourself a home
with your bare fingers, scooping handfuls of marrow
like earth. and if you turned around right now i am sure
we would find that the spaces you created for yourself
are still here, just like the all bruises. i want to say

it is not too late to change our minds, but even i
know better. i am thinking of the next girl, the one
who will hear about me in words like the wrong time and
asked for too much and nothing official, how she will try
not to make the same mistakes i did and maybe that will
be enough to keep you this time. and

i try so hard not to lie to you.
the truth is that i have been missing you since the day
we said hello and i still look for you in the shadows
when i cannot sleep. in the emptiness of my chest
cavity. in the space before i fall asleep and the space
before i am fully awake. the truth is i do not want to hear
from you ever again. i try so hard not to lie to you, but
then there’s always this.

j.c., negative space 

(153/365; 07.20.13 {02.10.13})

hundredthousandtimesunder asked: your writing is seriously amazing

thank you (:

(152/365; 07.19.13 {01.23.13})

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sycho-tick asked: Did you ever have a crush on your best friend’s boyfriends?

no lmao where did this come from

Anonymous asked: i know you probably get a billion messages a day but i just wanted to say your writing is flawless and after reading your whole blog i feel like i might understand a small amount of whats going on inside your head.

this is so great thank you bby (:

l-ugn asked: I love your writing. I read them at the end of everyday and they just calm me down and makes me remember that amazing people like you still exist in this world. So thank you

super late response bc I suck but thank you so much this is v sweet

Dec 28 +0